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So much has happened in these weeks since the energy shift that started on February 26, 2020. On the full moon in March, the energy let us all take a deep breath and I now know why. The second wave began on April 19, 2020 and was just as powerful, if not more so, than the February 26 shift. I have heard that this next wave is a “reset button” for all who want it. I know I do, and I embrace it.

2020 is the year of transformation and change. It’s about returning to ourselves, getting back to basics, pushing that reset button. It’s an opportunity to embrace the change you’ve been looking for. But the only way we can have this transformational change is by looking at things as they really are: the hard facts, the in-your-face TRUTH. By this I mean, separating facts from our feelings, perceptions, and narratives about them. That old saying, “The truth will set you free,” is really true.

On this point, my editor, Tracy, told me the following story. In her book, Untamed, Glennon Doyle recounts a conversation with her daughter who claims a peer at school doesn’t like her. Doyle used to respond to this with feelings of fear, as in, “Why not? What should we do? How can I make it better?” This is the kind of thing we need to let go of to move into this transformational change. Doyle explains that now when her daughter claims someone at school dislikes her, she simply responds with, “Just a fact, not a problem.” Just a fact. This is what I mean by looking at facts as they are without added emotion, perception, or narrative.

At the beginning of this second wave, I was meditating on why I was struggling to forgive certain people in my life. I realized I’m still thinking about and affected by situations that happened over the past 2 years. I know from experience that when I forgive, I’m done with the event and I don’t think about it or have emotional triggers around it anymore.

In meditation, I decided to go deeper into the forgiveness abyss and look at these issues down at the core of my being. If you want answers, you need to start by asking questions. Before I began questioning, I reminded myself there are no dumb questions, and I encourage you to remind yourself of this when you need answers as well. For me, there is no ceremony or ritual that needs to be done, but just to let these questions flow out of me as they come and allow them to come forward without censoring them.

Here is how the questioning went:

  • What does it really mean to forgive the person(s)?
  • Does it make me feel a certain way when I tell the person(s) I am sorry?
  • Will it cause more emotional distress to tell the person(s) I am sorry?
  • Does forgiveness have a feeling?
  • Does forgiveness have a color, texture, taste or scent?
  • What would forgiveness look like for the other person(s)?
  • Are there “right” steps I need to do but do not know what they are?
  • Are there actually any “steps” to do for forgiveness?
  • Should there be steps for forgiveness?
  • Is there a timeline when asking for forgiveness?
  • Will I really feel “free” after telling the person(s) I am sorry?
  • Why have I forgiven some people and never thought again about the situation that happened, yet others I have forgiven them but days, weeks, months and years later I am still thinking about it and getting emotionally triggered?
  • How do I know I have done it right so I can let go?
  • How many times do I need to forgive the person(s) for what they said and/or did?
  • Do I need the other person(s) to accept my forgiveness?
  • Do I need the other person(s) to say, “I forgive you” or “I accept your apology”?
  • How do I know the person(s) has accepted my forgiveness if they do not say anything after I say I am sorry?
  • Do I need the person(s) permission?

During this questioning, I heard the guides say that I was trying to ask for “permission to forgive” with regard to the situations I was meditating on. They told me I didn’t need any permission from them or anyone else because forgiveness had already happened. The guides said they had already forgiven everyone involved in this situation, and I was the only one who was still stuck. I didn’t need permission, so what was I waiting for?

I wrote in a previous post on the Chakra system, and its relation to the three layers of forgiveness: forgive the self, the people involved, and the place where an incident happened. In my meditation and discussion with the guides, I got to thinking and knew I had to go deeper in my questioning:

  • Have I been authentic in forgiveness I have given in the past?

This last question really made me stop and think.

  • Have I been authentic?
  • What does it mean to be authentic?

With these last 3 questions, I decided to reflect on a situation I was still stuck in: a conflict between me and a family member. (I’ll refer to this person as FM for “family member”.)

Here’s what happened: FM was saying certain untoward things about people involved in a situation (including myself). I wanted to sit down and talk with them so we could discuss the situation and work it out. I believed that by talking it out, we would all have the chance to understand where we were coming from, and ultimately find a solution and move forward.

But FM only wanted to communicate via group text message and not in person. So I sent multiple heartfelt messages via email, voice message, and text. I apologized and asked again that we sit down and talk this out.

I asked myself, “But I’ve been heartfelt in my apology here, haven’t I?” That’s when it hit me and I realized why I was still stuck in the past with this! I had given a heartfelt apology, but I had also included an agenda with my apology. YIKES! I had to smack myself upside the head.

You see, in this situation, I was trying to “teach” FM. I wanted FM to see that if they sat down and talked, that they wouldn’t have to hold a grudge and continue their behavior. I wanted them to do things in another, “better” way. But by doing this, I was trying to force them to do things my way, based on how I was taught. By forcing my agenda (my narrative, my perceptions, and emotions), I wasn’t seeing the truth about this person and what they needed.

In doing this, I was trying to make FM to be just like me. I was trying to rush it along for them so they would match my version of the truth that I created for them. But the fact is, FM has their own process to go through, and I was telling them that their process was wrong.

I realized I’d been trying to control the situation and this was so wrong and disrespectful to everyone involved. I also know better. What I should have done from the beginning was to say I was sorry and if they ever want to talk it out, I would be willing to do that. But then I should have left it – not continually apologized or tried to get them to talk. I should have left it an open invitation, but then walked away.

A friend of mine recently said that TRUTH is the most powerful word we can use in our seeking answers and freedom. This is more important now than ever.

When I look at nature and observe it, it just is. It just exists as itself. When you think of a tree, it’s just rooted in one spot. It dances with the wind, rain, snow, birds and other animals. It accepts whatever comes to it, but it doesn’t try to teach or impose itself – it just is. The tree doesn’t force its agenda on the rest of the world!

Through this process, I am coming to see others for who they really are – but I am also coming to see myself as I really am. I help others get to a calm, relaxed, safe, balanced, centered, and grounded state so that healing can begin. This is my ability. This is me. But I don’t have to force this onto others – I can just “be” as I am. When I try to set expectations or an agenda, healing won’t happen – but if I allow myself to be in truth, it will.

Now I ask you, where do you need to accept the facts free from emotions, perceptions, and narrative? How can you simply be as you are? What is your TRUTH?

Edited by Tracy Wai de Boer
@waiwithwords
www.waiwithwords.com

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1 Comment

  1. […] It took me until just the other day to figure out why my anger was coming back. It had to do with the energy of this person – I know they are angry with me and they have chosen not to have a relationship with me or try and work this out. At the same time, I believe in honouring this person’s choice and feelings. In this way this person is still in my life but at a distance. (You may recall I wrote about this in an earlier blog post on Apology and Forgiveness.) […]

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