1000butterflies - april 15 2021

Help locally to heal Globally….
Helping you to find the balance within YOU…..
Renewal, Transformation, Rebirth, Elevation

NOTE: out of respect for everyone involved I am purposely leaving names out. I respect everyone’s privacy and their request to not have their names given.

On the Wednesday before Mother’s Day, my daughter told me that we were going out to eat and see a movie starting at 11 am and I would only get to spend time with them until 4 pm, as they were spending the rest of Mother’s Day with their Dad’s fiancée. I was surprised that they would do that. My son’s girlfriend (who I consider my daughter, she is so awesome) said that the movie was Avengers. I said great choice because I wanted to see the movie. My son’s girlfriend said that my son had picked the movie. When I talked to my son, he said that he was told to pick a chick flick for us all. I love both ladies (they are so past being called girls) that they asked my son to pick because he was a man and wanted him to enjoy the movie too. He said that he checked what was available on Mother’s Day for a chick flick and went, no, no and hell no. He said that was when he picked Avengers. He told his girlfriend and his sister not to worry that I would love the movie choice and why a chick flick was not picked. They got our tickets for the noon show. We go to one movie theater in Calgary because of the recliner seats (ahhhhh).

I had taken the whole day off from my office to be with the 3 of them. I told a few girlfriends what the plans were for the day. A couple of the girlfriends asked why they would spend time with their Dad’s fiancée, because I gave birth to two of the three and as they said I was their Mother after all. I said I know, and I said that my son and his girlfriend were probably spending the rest of the evening with his girlfriends’ parents to celebrate Mother’s Day.

My daughter picked me so that I didn’t have to drive. As we are driving to the theater I asked if we were eating prior. She said no. Instead, we would do the movie and then do some appies after, as they were meeting their Dad’s fiancée at 4 pm to celebrate Mother’s Day with her. She said that their Dad’s fiancée has never experienced Mother’s Day because her own daughter was born May 8 and it usually fell on Mother’s Day or if it didn’t fall on the day, then they just celebrated her birthday rather than Mother’s Day. Their Dad gave his fiancée earrings to match her necklace. My daughter said the fiancée started to cry. They asked her if she wanted to do an early afternoon get together because they could change the time they had already scheduled for me. Their Dad’s fiancée agreed to keep everything the same. At that point, I was thinking WTF. I was hurt and angry and I mean hurt and angry that they would celebrate Mother’s Day with her and I birthed them. That they would let her decide if she wanted the morning instead of the evening, thus they would have to reschedule me for the afternoon. What about asking me!!! I held back crying and it took effort, that was how hurt I was. I was thinking that I didn’t want to spend time with the 3 of them.

I was surprised that my daughter didn’t pick up on my feelings. She is an empath and I was trying to make sure she didn’t feel what I was feeling.

We get to the movie theater and had to wait about 10 minutes for my son and his girlfriend to show up. We ordered our snacks. I got a water, medium buttered popcorn, and Nibs. We went to our reserved seat and my son said that I needed to sit between him and his sister. I was touched that they would do that.

I was still feeling the hurt and anger. The movie was perfect for my mood and feelings. Dark and stormy. I ate my popcorn and Nibs. Because of how I was feeling, it wasn’t sitting right with me. I held it down though.

After the movie, they asked where we should go for appies. I called a Mexican restaurant near my house and they were fully booked. I said I wasn’t hungry because I ate popcorn and Nibs. We agreed to go to my son’s house and spend time together until they all had to leave to go for supper etc. with their Dad’s fiancée.

When we got there, I said that I did want to go to Fabricland as I wanted to get some material for a nice blanket for the massage table at my office, as the current blanket is dragging on the sides (plus the clients would not see the crystal/rock grid designs I was guided to have underneath) and it was too short to not cover the client’s feet. All 3 said they didn’t want to go, and my daughter said that she would do it on the way to my house when she was dropping me off. My daughter asked if I could just buy a blanket at the store and I said none of them are appealing and if the blanket did meet my criteria for looks, it was not the right size to fit the massage table.

We chit chatted about all their works, the upcoming wedding (they are all in their Dad’s wedding party) and the bachelorette and bachelor parties. Then they gave me my present. It was tea candles and each one was a Chakra color, a beautiful carnation and a handmade sign (by a client of my daughter’s) that everything I have on my business card, front and back on the sign. It was my new business logo and color and it was beautiful. I am looking at the sign and trying to think where in the hell I would put it. I can’t use it on any of the walls in my office or the hallway. I didn’t appreciate it at the moment. The card was heartfelt from all 3.

Then it was time to bring me home. As we are driving home, my daughter said that she can’t do Fabricland as it would take too much time with also having to drop me off home that it would affect the time they were to meet their Dad’s fiancée. I said no worries, I could go their myself. We got to my house and I gave her a quick hug and I love you. My daughter offered to help haul in my stuff, but I said it was ok as I could manage. As soon as I got into the house, I cried and cried. I was so angry and hurt still. I tried to examine my feelings for what they were, but I just didn’t feel like doing that at the moment. I gave myself permission to not examine it for the rest of the night. I watched 2 movies on Netflix and then went to bed still angry and still hurting. I cried some more. I did a quick text to my boyfriend to tell him I was going to bed and only said that the movie was very dark compared to the normal Marvel movies and there was only 1 small short clip at the very end. He replied saying that it was nice that I got to spend time with the kids. I was angry at him because he didn’t ask me in detail about it, not even ask how our planned meal was. But to be honest I didn’t want to share what I was going through at that moment because I didn’t understand it and I didn’t think I could explain why I was angry and hurting fully. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in the kids, because it really had nothing to do with them, but only with me.

I didn’t sleep very well, but again I did my routine of meditating whenever I wake up between 3 am and 5 am. I went through the whole afternoon and I heard the guides say, “take everyone out of the picture and only have you in the picture”. I could see myself standing there and it was black, nothing around, just me. Just me. There were no emotions, no tears, no laughter, no sound. Just me. Then it hit me. The kids did exactly what I had told them when they asked what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day about 3 weeks prior. I said that I wanted to just spend time with them, it didn’t matter what we were doing if it was time with them, and I didn’t need a present, I just needed time with them as that is the priceless present. The kids were also showing me that they were supporting me and my business by the gifts they gave me.

Then I also realized at that moment, I had NO RIGHT to try to take from them what they wanted to do. Their Dad and I taught them to be kind, caring, happy and truthful. They were doing exactly what they have always and will always do. They wanted to give their Dad’s fiancée a Mother’s Day their style like they all did for me thru every year of my life with them all. They are building a beautiful relationship with her. Everyone deserves to be happy. Why did I want to take away any happiness? I remembered that I was told by two psychic-mediums with the past 2 weeks, that I still had forgiveness to do from my marriage and I told them I had made peace with it. Guess not. I wanted everything to stay as I was seeing it. But I didn’t have the right to want that. I only have the right to what is me and only me. I do have the right to wish everyone well etc., but I can only control my life and if I want to grow, then I must let everyone else grow too. At that moment I was at peace and it felt fabulous. Later when I went into my computer room I saw I had not put the carnation in water when I got home the night before. I thought, that is not me and the flower was a little wilted, but it was alive. It was still alive like me.

I put the flower in water and it proudly sits by my computer and I see it every day and every night. Its petals are so vibrant and full now. YAY.

As for the gift they gave me, I know where I can use it. When I am at trade shows or working at booths for festivals, I can proudly display it, because it is beautiful and has all my information on it on full display. The sign is large. YAY.

I talked to my boyfriend the next day and told him I had a breakthrough and assured him it was all about me and nothing with the kids. The beautiful man he is, he asked if I needed anything and how I was feeling. I told him everything is normal and centered again. I am happy.

I am in balance again. I am at peace and centered. Mother’s Day was the perfect day for me. The kids helped me grow and bring forgiveness to another part of my marriage/life and they didn’t know it. Everyone involved is great teachers for me. I am in gratitude for them, their Dad and his fiancée and my boyfriend.

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